More Sports, More Testosterone

 

I read today in several places that SportsNet New York (SNY) is launching a new series of ads under the banner “More Sports. More Testosterone.” This campaign was developed by a New York ad agency called Ogilvy & Mather. The ads, which I assume will be humorous, will show how watching SNY will increase your testosterone levels. The bright bulbs who conceived this campaign even did some research. One of Ogilvy and Mather’s creative directors said “We googled ‘watching sports and testosterone’ and found a study from the University of Utah that actually validated our positioning.”   Validated their positioning.  Ooh.  Listen to them.

I have more than enough testosterone. Seriously, if you look up the scientific signs of having enough testosterone, I have them all. I have male pattern baldness, a hairy chest, (and at this point in my life a hairy back), and a big full beard. I got it, baby, I got it.

So what do I think about this new SNY campaign suggesting that if I watch enough SNY I’ll get even more testosterone? What do you think I think? You see I also have these things underneath my bald spot called brain cells.

What are they thinking? What are they thinking? Who comes up with an idea that will immediately alienate and possibly offend 51% of their potential audience? Are they aware that there are women who are sports fans and Mets fans? Do they even understand how offensive this is even to men? Do they think that when we men listen to SNY announcers like Gary Cohen, Ron Darling, and Keith Hernandez, or analysts like Bobby Ojeda and Kevin Burkhardt, that we are listening with our hormones and our primitive fish brains? Have they heard these guys? Do they think that just because some of us fans have a Y chromosome, we don’t also have mammalian brains with complex emotions, and crazy new features like imagination and memory?

Rather than spending their whole research budget on googling “sports and testosterone,” these potatoes should have done some research about who the Mets are. They should have done some research about the kinds of personalities who are left in the diminished fan base. To root for the Mets at this point, you practically have to be maternal. All that is left is people who can love and forgive, who can cry and be loyal long after all rational reasons for loyalty have faded away. This isn’t a team, and SNY isn’t a station for chest-beaters who want to sink their incisors into the raw meat of the kill. Everybody like that is already over at the YES network. Testosterone doesn’t do Mets fans any good. Estrogen might.

I get so disillusioned when I read a story like this. Seriously, I sometimes wonder if there is a point when even I will finally have had enough. The Mets have so much to build upon. They have one of the richest cultures of any baseball team. So, in this time of transition, when they could be cultivating that richness, reaching out to the fascinating men and women who are their diehards, what do they do? They turn to an expensive ad agency that comes up with the idea that to succeed they need to re-position themselves as if they were Spike TV. You know what, guys? If you ever Spik-ify Mets announcing and programming, if you continue to not appreciate the fact that you have first-place fans following a last-place team, you’re going to lose me, and everybody else who is not going to be amused by lame commercials about SNY spiking your testosterone. And if you lose us, you’re not going to have millions of horny, muscular, young, demographically desirable men watching your TV station. If you lose us, you’re going to have nothing.

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